Amanda Ebokosia at Miss New Jersey USA 2010;
Right after her evening gown competition
Amanda Ebokosia attends Essence Young Women's Leadership Conference
CURRENT PROJECTS!:
THE AE JOURNAL
UPDATE TIP: View website updates: (HERE)*Next Entry--TBA Note: Main domain is AMANDAEBOKOSIA.COM
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The heart to heart --Mom-Family-The De Pintos-Lianna-Erin-Sorie-Bukie-Chandra-Dayna-Carm
I love my family and I love my friends. Yesterday, I had a heart to heart moment with my mother over the phone. She has to be the busiest woman I know. I was sad sometimes as a child, seeing my mother was always busy raising us 3 kids on her own---this took out of our playtime, keep in mind this was a child's thought. I'm just reflecting here, I would not change it for the world . According to last night, she wouldn't either.
My mom is the reason why I am the person who I am today. If that makes sense, she is the reason why I strive to be a better person each day. I am so blessed to have what I feel is the best role-model for me. I couldn't ask for anyone else because no one is as great to me in my eyes.
My comfort from being many miles away is the fact that I am my mother's daughter. Those words are more valuable than any man made object or feeling evoked on this earth. The feelings, the love, the respect--- is far greater than I. I suppose my love is great-- My family is small so my mom and my brothers, and my uncles & aunts on her side is virtually all I have.
We are a God fearing family. God has always been the captain as we navigated through the seas of issues, issues, and more issues. God has worked miracles and transformed us all for the better. Just to digress slightly, one of the greatest experiences I've witnessed in college at Rutgers University-- was experiencing other cultures besides my own. This also came with witnessing and respecting other person's religious beliefs are lack of.
I appreciate everything in life, just in my book God has been my Captain. My brothers are growing before my eyes, as being handsome strong intelligent young men of society. I am a very proud sister. I can't believe how my brother Brian is so mature for his age. He helps a great deal with my youngest brother, Michael. He is a character in his own way. I love his smile and his big incisors-- well two front teeth.
I just find myself wishing Christmas was here so I can be with my family. I'll be enjoying my Thanksgiving with friends this year- My Italian Family. I love the De Pintos, I really do. I have not had a friend so pure as Lianna, which is one of the many reasons why she is my best friend. She truly has my best interests at heart, as I do her as well. I also appreciate and love my close friend Erin-- she is bright and unique. We are very much alike in a lot of ways. She has such a great artistic flair to her-- I find that this is a rare quality to share with someone who is, like myself, in route in becoming a health professional. It is a rare quality indeed.
Sorie-- how can I forget him? He's A true soul-mate. He's my best friend as well. I can't believe he has been in my life since age 19. Whoa. I Skyped him the other day-- that was kool. He is the reason why I knew about the brain cancer clinical researcher position. He is always looking out for me-- even when I say, "Back Off." Two interviews later and all. I have such great friends.
Carmelys is a sweetheart and a loyal friend as well. I often see her as a younger or the younger sister I've never had.There are other friends who I hold dear to me. I just can't fit everyone in this post. I only mentioned those who have been in constant contact with me this past year or who I've got real close too.
I can go on to write about my childhood- adolescent pals Bukie, Chandra, & Dayna. Words alone can't describe. You all are people who I see myself growing old with.
To sum everything up, I guess you can say I am in love with my mother, family,and friends. I am very much in love with them. I sort of understand it when Angelina Jolie said, " I am so in love with my brother right now." It's a familial/platonic love rest assured it's not romantic love, well maybe for my soul-mate it is.
Go Out and Kiss Someone, You know you Want to! Happy Thanksgiving.
'Tis the day to be thankful, and so are the many years to follow
In life whether you accumulate a lot of obvious blessings or you're in the midst of a monumental trial -- waiting patiently for that solution, you must always remember to be thankful. I find it necessary to be especially thankful for when I'm in situations that are not ideal. Every obstacle that we go through in life prepares us to be stronger and should be greeted and welcomed, for every obstacle transforms us into a better person. Thanksgiving is near and I can't seem to count off a list of all the things that I am thankful for, simply too many. ..
Let's just start off by being thankful for today. When I wake-up each morning, I smile for all the possibilities that can occur andjust having that 'chance' of making them happen. I did not have to wake-up today, but I did. I consider it a blessing, a blessing that shouldn't be taken for granted.
I began my morning like most mornings, a bowl of cereal and a glass of O.J-- however, today was different.
Video Feature: Eight seconds of footage from when I just finished my interview in New York,NY and found that Bryant Park opened their "Pond", a skating rink.
I was told by the 2nd best cancer center in the nation and the largest--oldest in the world, that I will begin my second interview, November 23, 2009. "....just having that 'chance' of making it happen." Life is a bundle of dreams-- and I am living out mine. I started my day half past 6 in the morning, I slept late from the night before. I was energetic and ready to prove that I was the best candidate for the position-- I did not fail.
I went in-- that interview and answered questions to the best of my knowledge, flawlessly. I gave it my absolute best, consider it a moment to be thankful for. In these times there are always moments to be thankful for especially in this dire economy. It takes hard times- difficult situations- to reflect at what matters most and appreciate the simplest thing.
Today I appreciated smiles. I met them all over! I met smiles on the train to New York and smiles on the sidewalks, over the phone, and most importantly, my heart. I smiled in my heart.
When my family members or friends ask,"What do you want for Christmas or Thanksgiving?", I'll say the same thing from last year--- nothing. I am so blessed, I've been blessed since I was born. Being blessed does not have to mean-- monetary things-- goodness no. I grew up from humble beginnings and I did not always 'have it all.' The funny thing is--- I did not know I never had much at all-- until others commented.
Life is a bowl of cereal, eat it up and be thankful.
This morning I sat in my swivel chair and ate my breakfast in a trance-- I was taking a stroll down memory lane. I suddenly became nostalgic and envisioned all of my favorite games, shows, and fashion trends that I admired as a child. These were the shows that were born in the 80s era, yes-- the shows that only 80s babies could appreciate. These shows, games, and fashion trends spilled over to the early nineties --- where all the 80s babies gladly indulged.
They don't make TV like that ....
They don't make music like that.....
They don't make fashion like that anymore...
The 80s era was timeless.
Remember the following shows: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Ghostbusters, Mario bros, Mr. T, Inspector Gadget, Flinestone Kids, Duck Tales, and the list goes on and on..
I bet I sparked a memory, perhaps you were Leonardo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for Halloween? Was I the only one who had a crush on a cartoon and wanted my own pet turtles as a Christmas gift? I don't think so.
Feat: Fanny Pack, the dance group-- of the TV SHOW: America's Best Dance Crew
The fashion itself made a statement, with its vibrant colors and fitted jeans with loose tops! It still remains to be the decade that continues to reinvent itself through the current times. The 80s era is the one decade that keeps coming back every year, it's that itch you just can't seem to scratch.
There are some people who believe love's seasonal, others who believe love's unconditional, and another group who vehemently feels that love is an evolutionary adaptation. These group of people think that love does not 'really' exist but is a mere evolutionary adaptation to help us with our survival.
What is love? Can it be defined?
A while ago this past summer I used to venture to Brooklyn, NY to be interviewed by Dennis Bellone, for his documentary about LOVE. He later ventured off to Europe on a film project, I really do need to touch base with him soon-- on any updates. It's been a while, well that's besides the point.
Back to love--
I wish to start off by saying that perhaps love has no definition? It has been a running thought in my mind for quite a while. Maybe I should rephrase that by saying that love has no true overallstandarddefinition. In discussing a plausible definition for love, I feel that there are 'parts' to the definition of love that vary on each person. As a result, it's unique for every individual while holding other parts that are standard for everyone. I shall explain.
The standard part holds a common universal acceptance:
I only think that we all can agree on one thing, that love is serious.
Everything else is introspective.
So therefore, how can one truly define it? In the average dictionary there are over ten entries that define love.
Back in New York, Bellone informed me that he interviewed several young women on what they felt was love. He found that their perceptions seemed to be muddled and strongly influenced by a 'Hollywood' fantasy of love or the lack there of from a movie.
I find that our beliefs are based on our own experiences, which is why many people have their own ideas of what love is. It is because of this that I personally feel, that there is no 'one' definition for love.
Love is an experiment that yields results that cannot be measured- there's an error with this. It's a failed experiment, its results are entirely based on introspection- Ebokosia
I dare you to say he does not know what love is? She has no inkling because she is far too young? Well, love is not objective it's subjective so therefore how can you define it-- for everyone else?
Just a thought, what do you think?!
In other news, I have an interview with the largest cancer research center of the world ! I also have a photo shoot coming up. Today I clocked in 60 miles since last Monday on my run. I'm excited.
The double shot expresso---Dear liquid legal crack,
E x p r e s s o of my life
The little engine that could, that's me! I run on my own natural energy and usually don't rely on anything to keep me going throughout the day. As I get older, it get's harder. I'm sure many of you can relate. When you're 20 something and beyond, the world suddenly opens up with its wealth of responsibilities to bestow on you. It may leave you in the middle of the day asking for a "pick me up." I have friends who need that double shot of espresso. The magical shot that rejuvenates and makes them feel alive.
What do you use as alternatives ?-- besides the liquid legal crack, I like to call coffee and the like. I vehemently believe that what you consume affects your energy as well as other things. I guess you can say I take to heart that saying which goes, "You are what you eat." I've made an addendum to that and said the following:
You're who you surround yourself with: Your often share common interests with your company. Surround yourself with slackers, there's a great chance that you'll be/or are one too!
You're what you wear: What you wear does influence your mood. I had my 'crappy' days and you know what? I dressed that way too. This may not hold true for everyone. However, I don't seem to feel out of place when I'm indeed stellar or at my best.
You're what you allow: You allow yourself to be treated badly, you'll always be treated badly--and feel bad too! If you allow yourself to be treated with respect, you'll command the respect you deserve effortlessly!
I've been letting you all into my first hours of what I do when I first wake-up, which is running--Each day I document my daily morning exercise routines over (here). This has been my alternative to that liquid legal crack--we call coffee. Truthfully, I really don't drink coffee because I don't like the way it stains teeth.. Yes-- that's my reason. I also have similar reasons as to why I never drank or smoke, very very superficial reasons-- I know.
Keep in mind, the physiological benefits out weigh the superficial ones. What are the alternatives that you've used to get you off that liquid crack addiction? Or are you an addict who is still mesmerized by that liquid legal crack? Please confess-- you are NOT alone.
I had an accident this morning while running my 6 mi of the day. I am still in pain, more information has been recorded over at sugar(here). I am happy that I have ran 56 miles since last Monday. I shall celebrate someday, I just don't know how yet. Tomorrow is my last day of the week to run-- weekends my legs get REST. My best recorded time since last Monday has been 50min/6miles.
This exercise comes with an incentive =) I have booked an upcoming photo shoot. The photographer who is shooting me wants me to style the concept. I have a few ideas. I want to go for a rough edgy look/corporate look/ & commercial --sigh-- I don't know!
Need help much? Let's all not even start on my cupcake addiction. Yes,CRUMBS-- Has anyone been there?
At a time where playful tugs became love taps-- I transformed into an innovator
<< Image: A very young Amanda A. Ebokosia
If I could sit back and step outside the box of my life, it would most likely parallel a Lifetime series. I'm certain that I am not the only one, who would describe their life in this way. Life is so precious-- I was so fortunate to see this as a young ten year-old gal, who was clad with a purple trench coat that had dazzling pink buttons. "This" 10 year-old gal was captivated by the world around her-- inquisitive much? Yes. "This" 10 year-old gal would climb hills and fill her red lunch box with ants and millipedes--- and run home and turn into a scientist for the day. "This" 10 year-old gal would lay on her back on the pavement outside of her school backyard to watch the beautiful cloud formations in the sky. "This" 10 year-old gal was I.
I dreamed without limitations then-- as I do so now.
What did I see in these cloud formations? rabbits, houses, beaches, my family, & everything I ever desired.
I saw it all, my visions of life. I had tunnel vision. This was a vision that most girls my age were not quite picking up on. Their body's were changing-- and they were noticing guys. I wasn't really interesting in such things then.
Well, what does this have to do with today? Everything.
Life was just one big puzzle back then. I don't think life will ever stop being a puzzle quite frankly. There was only one thing that I was sure of. It was that I should remain focused in what interested me, despite what others were doing--even if I was not considered to be in the norm. Who is normal anyway?
Now I'm reflecting on a conversation that I had with a good friend of mine, who was dismayed with the negative energy she was receiving with her newly acclaimed success. I started referencing the 48 Laws of Power, which has an interesting passage about friendship & business. In summation, we discussed how the higher an individual climbs up the pyramid of success-- the less persons they would have to befriend in the process.
A person can have several associates but it's highly unlikely that a they would become friends--close friends with each one. In fact, I discussed research findings about the complications of femaleplatonic relationshipsover (here).
We concluded several things in this conversation, here are the results:
Don't take negative energy personal from associates or people who you thought were your friends. Reason: All the energy you're spending time worrying about what they are saying, can be harnessed to fuel you or your projects.
Negative energy comes from within. It is toxic when you hear it. The person releasing it is also toxic. Therefore, be upset for only one thing-- that this person is not happy with their own current situation-- it has nothing really to do with you. Reason: Negative energy is like a cancer-- if it spreads it captures-- you must win the battle.
People will do wrong by you, there is no secret to this-- we are all human. Don't take it personally -- focus and flip the switch that turns that tunnel vision on.Reason: When you focus and pay attention to what matters most, you'll attain your goals a lot faster. Don't waste precious time.
Happy hearts breed happier people-- Let's live happily by our own terms!
Below Image: Eons ago 1st photo shoot
Let's all just live happily by our own terms. Yesterday, I found myself in a perplexing situation-- in the end, I had to say to myself, " Amanda what do YOU want?" In life we sometimes tend to sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of others-- due to the fear that we may offend.
Don't get me wrong, it is important to be considerate of others. This is not a free pass card on being entirely selfish.
However, feeling that you have to do something in order to be "right" with others does not work. I'm fortunate to have wonderful close friends around me, who understand my motives and won't allow me to feel this way with them. This *bond* is only developed with time. What happens when you're faced with a situation where you don't necessarily want to do something, but you're torn because you may offend someone? It's quite obvious, you address the issue in a mature fashion with the utmost respect. I don't believe in the saying, " You have to earn my respect." I believe in giving everyone their own respect, after all we are all pupils in this thing called life. It shows you're a person of class and dignity. Don't ever lose your composure, and address situations with anger and disregard for feelings-- always try to maintain your own power for the situation at hand.
At this point you can see if it's your way or the highway vs. settling to find a compromise. Happy hearts breed happier people. You will be more at ease this way, by letting loose of the anxiety of offending someone else.
I'll first start off by saying this week has been grand. I pushed myself to my own limits, by waking up each morning and running 6 miles! Yes, this equates to running 30 miles as of this Friday. I made a promise to myself to NOT run on weekends. I've been updating my fitness blog over(here).
A lot of amazing things are going to be happening within the next couple days. Stay tuned ! Remember,JUST SMILESmiling is the best antidote to heal any pain.It's life's homemade remedy, sent to you in a pretty yellow box. Just figure out what your yellow boxmay be.
P.s check out my cooking skills (I'm sending you a virtual plate):
The silent men: the other side of domestic violence
What exactly happens when an emergency dispatcher receives a call from a 250lb man who is scared for his life because his wife, who is half his size, has committed acts of domestic violence towards him?
The reality is that such a call rarely takes place. In fact, more than half of domestic violence crimes committed toward men go unreported.
Society conventions paint men as strong, brave, and courageous figures within their community.They’re not considered or thought of as being the poster image of being a domestic violence victim. According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, there are over 1.2 million cases of women who have been victims of domestic violence annually.From this amount there are over 1100deaths reported each year from the domestic violence of women, which equates to having 3 women a day die from these horrendous acts.
Women who leave an abusive relationship as a victim are less likely to be in any future stable relationship. Currently, there are over 830,000 reported cases of domestic violence toward men each year. In order to eradicate domestic violence in both men and women, society must continue to acknowledge that domestic violence occurs with men as well. This is not just a women's issue alone nor is it an issue that is only confined to heterosexual relationships. The Family Violence Protection Fund notes, 25% of same-sex couples have experienced domestic violence in their relationship. This is approximately the same rate as heterosexual couples. The Women's Center of Sexual and Domestic Violence Services, at Virginia University states the following:
"While it isn't clear just how common it is, battering does happen in same-sex relationships. The abuse is similar to that in heterosexual couples, but it is far more invisible in our society. Many programs for battered women are only just beginning to address this issue, or are insensitive to the needs of battered LGBT individuals, because of ignorance and/or homophobia. However, more groups which support battering survivors are recognizing this issue and working to become as welcoming to LGBT survivors as heterosexual survivors. "
It may seem logical to ask, why victims of domestic violence stay in these toxic relationships? The main reasons between men and women are similar:
Men
Remain in relationships to ensure the safety of their kin
Women
They're dependent on their partner
Both
Feel embarrassed & ashamed
& Feel Isolated from friends and family
The domestic violence on men reports an average of over 830,000 cases each year. This is a miniscule amount, if you're aware that half of all cases of domestic violence on men go unreported. It is important to truly examine the situation by exploring both parts of the equation which considers both genders as possible victims. Perhaps, if both genders are given the same rights of equal justice such violent acts would lessen over time.
These male victims who go through abuse suffer in silence, and because of their size or gender they’re not taken seriously when discussing their situation to the general public.
On BatteredMen.com, male victims volunteered in telling their stories of domestic violence—the following are excerpts from anonymous men on the website:
Male Victim 1:
My wife - in one of her drunken rages - took our daughter's baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my study, where I was trying desperately to meet a deadline. And since I'm over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn't get much sympathy posing as a "battered man!": I had thought of calling the police that night. When I recalled this incident to my divorce lawyer some time later, his response was: "It's a good thing you didn't, because the police probably would have arrested you."
Male Victim 2:
I have been verbally and psychologically battered and abused, I've been threatened with bodily harm, I've been threatened to be shot right between the eyes, I've been kicked in the groin, I've had to watch while my ex sexually molested my daughter and not dare interfere for fear of retaliation. Then 1 day she called 911 so fast and had me arrested, my head was literally spinning with disbelief. When trying to tell the officer that I was provoked and that she was hurting my daughter and that I was protecting my daughter, he told me that I had better keep quiet, I'd charge you with a felony if I could, he said. .. So now what do i do?
Male Victim 3:
I was awarded temporary sole custody of my three children and possession of the marital home. My ex-wife was in shock and refused to leave ... Her attempts to provoke an incident increased. Finally one morning she cornered me alone in the kitchen and again began to punch me out after a nasty verbal exchange. Unfortunately, my 10 year old son witnessed this episode through a window while he headed for his school bus. I did not strike back. My ex then left and went to the police.
Male Victim4:
She screamed:"I have never forgiven you for the way you looked at me the first time I hit you."
"How did I look?" I asked.
"You looked hurt and shocked and angry and disgusted."
"How should I have looked after you hit me?" I asked.
"I needed for you to understand how I was feeling at that time. I needed your support, not your anger," she said.
I understood then why she had never apologized for that act of violence or for any of her many other violent assaults.
As horrific as these stories may seem, it's real and should be taking seriously. Robert Eldridge, a writer for batterman.com, gives several helpful suggestions for male victims of domestic violence.
He states the following:
Always keep a record of dates and times of incidents.Always report the violence to your doctor and to the Gardai - ensure that they record your injuries and all the details of the assault.
Always seek medical attention for any injuries -- do not cover up the true cause.
Always take legal advice.
Do tell your family and friends what is happening to you.
Do not be provoked into retaliating.
It is disheartening to find the negative impact that is left on children who have parents who are in domestic abusive relationships. Children who witness parents in domestic abusive situations are two times as likely to become either an abuser or the victim of abuse.
Sheridan Hill writes in her article, "In defense of abused men: Women must speak up in support of men," the following statement:
"Women must treat men the same way that they believe men should treat women: with respect. The golden rule was not made for men: it was made for every breathing soul.
Women have been on a self-righteous soap box for a long time. Men have cowered in the face of feminism and other movements that have been used by those who want to avoid looking at the consequences of their behavior."
Domestic Abuse is real. It affects our friends, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. It does not discriminate.
Contact the following organizations if you're a victim of domestic violence or know someone who may be a victim:
Q&A Segment- Mr. Moment of the year, hour, or minute: A mistake hopefully, before reaching the altar
Image Credit: Getty Images
The Question & Answer Segment:
Sheryl of East Orange, New Jersey finds that when a relationship looks good on paper, it does not necessarily mean that it is good for the heart-- her heart. She asks the following:
Question:
Sheryl| age 28 - East Orange, New Jersey
I have found myself in this"amazing" relationship with a man who I have first called a friend. We have been going out for six months and on paper he is everything I could have ever hoped for. My boyfriend is good looking, a home owner, has a solid career, and he treats me well. There is no sparks for me and I am worried that I may not be giving him a fair chance. I am starting to think there is something wrong with me. My family and friends adore him but I am extremely worried that I am settling. Am I? What can I do?
-Sheryl
Answer:
Your boyfriend sounds like a Mr. Moment of six months rather than Mr. Right. In relationships it is common to initially go against your primordial instincts. These instincts are feelings that a person generates for themselves, which doesn't allow any clout of the opinions and thoughts presented by others. It is this "gut" feeling that can be deemed to be the most pure and honest feeling, due to this simple fact alone.
Most women who question if they are settling over a period of time are. In such cases they are acknowledging facts about their relationship while simultaneously noticing what is most important, they’re not satisfied in one or more aspects of their relationship. Instead of embracing this fact they tend to displace blame on themselves and proceed in waiting it out for changes.
Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbuem, author of "Is He Mr. Right? Everything you need to know before your commit," states that there are five crucial elements for a healthy relationship. She suggests if one or more aspects are missing that the individual in question is indeed settling.
The elements are as follows:
1) Physical chemistry or affection
2) Real intimacy : sense of closeness/connection
3) "Fun" which is described as the real glue of intimacy
4) Safety, trust and security with the other person
5) Mutual respect
Sheryl there is obviously one or more aspects from the above listed "crucial elements," that is missing in your relationship. You seem aware that there is "something" missing but you continue to settle while displacing all blame on to yourself. The sense of worry and frustrations will only proceed to augment and linger. The fact that your family and friends may adore your boyfriend shouldn't hold weight in your decision. In the end, you're dating him--not your friends or family members. I understand you may be confused as to why a seemingly perfect man is not perfect for you. This is normal.
The only way to not settle and know what you want is to take time with yourself FIRST and then explore your options in potential mates. Most women first start to settle when they're young and don't have a clear understanding of who they're or what they wish to have in a potential mate. This leads in a continuous cycle of settling for less and NOT living to your full potential.
Time is the cure here. Once you step away from this situation to understand yourself first, you'll find that a cloudy veil has been lifted from your eyes. You'll be less inclined to put up with relationships that simply don't work. Listen to your instincts--we women are magical creatures.
PART II: Info on LFM Series Film: "Model Walk" - airs for the rest of the season
PART II: This past summer I was featured in a documentary called, "Model Walk". I did not go through every taping because I was preparing for my exams. It was produced by the Producer G. Stancil of SYGM.
It should air on Monday for the rest of the season under the main series, "Live From Midtown", as The Model Walk Documentary. You may check your local listings at Colourstv.org. It aired yesterday, 11/2/09 at 5:00pm EST.
I'll post some footage later in the Video section of this website.
Lately, I've been a free-lance writer for a few companies. You may view some of my material on Therelationshiptalk.com ( It will link the other sites). I do appreciate the feed-back.
This is what I call the interviewing season for the medical school process, keep me in your thoughts and prayers please! I'm also trying to complete some forms for funding issues for my NPO. "JUST SMILE-- Smiling is the best antidote to heal any pain.It's life's homemade remedy, sent to you in a pretty yellow box. Just figure out what your yellow box may be"
PART:I My time at MISS NJ USA 2010 Pageant & Info about the LFM Series Film: "Model Walk" - airs for the rest of the season
I am going to discuss an event that occurred several days ago. I'm also taking the time to talk about one of the films I had the honor of being featured in earlier this summer.
First I would like to say, "I really should be checking my PO BOX a lot more". I originally bought a PO BOX to separate business mail from my personal mail, but when your PO BOX is in a whole other town, you're less likely to check it as often as you should. Well, shortly before my trip to Alaska I received a letter from Donald Trump. I am sure several young women know what I am talking about. It was a letter to apply to hopefully participate in this year's Miss New Jersey USA 2010 Pageant! This must have been the second time in my entire lifetime that I received such a notice.
The first time was during my freshman year of college when I was pretty much engrossed in my pre-medical classes, I could not find the time to raise sponsorship and get involved in it. Now this time around I was receiving this notice as a college graduate who has already completed her Medical School applications and was hungry for some excitement. I whispered to myself my famous words, "Why NOT?". I could write a novel as to why I wanted to participate in this pageant. It goes far beyond the scope of being just a "beauty pageant". There is beauty beyond the physical layers of what we see. Let me explain.
It is not my job to find out why many don't understand my motives, place, or "the big picture" of all things that I wish to do, see, and conquer. It is my job in becoming the woman who I desired to be at 8, 18, and now 23. The woman who I envisioned to become: powerful, bright, worldly, & articulate. It is my JOB to at least attempt to partake in activities that would foster growth and help me blossom into that woman. I saw it with this pageant.
Do you know what it's like to campaign in less than a few weeks for over $1k, after coming from a trip like Alaska?
It's tough. There are a few barriers that need to be broken for one. You have to let go of all insecurities you may have. The strongest women have them too, this I know for sure. You have to believe you deserve it! You must walk, breathe, talk as if you do. Raising sponsorship is garnering support and believers in everything that you do! I decided to try my best to avoid family & friends for monetary donations. I raised the bulk of it through small businesses.
It changed me.
I don't know what it was really. It could have been going to that famous Thai spot that I often frequented, the doctor offices I often passed, or riding up to cities I rarely visited but soon found hidden treasures.
It changed me.
I suppose what changed me most was needing to raise my last stick of $300 the day before the competition. I called a best friend in a panic. I believe I said to her ," I think I just found my own "Audacity of Hope" moment". Before I get "the eye brow raiser", I will explain it with a question.
Have you ever found yourself in a pretty hopeless situation? While the only thing that is fueling you is your desire to be apart of something so great that you could almost taste it? Well, that's all I felt during the evening on the 15th ( the day before the pageant). I felt that way in my "let's bring it ensemble" 4 inch heels and a knee length gray pleated dress by Calvin Klein's --- in the midst of terenchal rain. YES. It was raining DOGS and ELEPHANTS that night. I just about visited 3 towns in New Jersey and spent about 4 hours campaigning to just come up short with 300 left.
What happened? I regrouped. That's what happened. I repositioned my thoughts and approach. Once I did that I was able to make the phone call.
"Hello?"
Yes, Pageant Headquarters..
"This is Amanda, and I suppose I will be able to make it. Just raised the last bit"
Well, it was something along those lines.
The best thing that I did get from this situation besides meeting amazing people, was a new outlook. I've always knew what it was like to witness compassion directly with my not-for-profit and the funds we helped raised for organizations such as American Cancer Society & Autism Speaks.
It was "refreshing" to see it all again, it was rewarding to find total strangers believe in me and support me in attempting to have my own opportunity.
In the end, it was all about opportunity and a chance--- to live out a dream.
Congrats Cheona Greene: Miss New Jersey USA 2010
I leave you with a short clip. Also, check the link below to READ MORE about a film which aired today and I think runs every other Monday for this season--which I am featured in.
PS:The title for this entry was a phrase from our opening number song by Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
Why did he just leave you like you were an imposter pair of Manolo Blahniks? You lost your identity
"The quest to refrain from being the imposter pair of Manolo Blahniks"
Your one year anniversary is steadily approaching with your significant other. For most couples this is a moment to celebrate and recount on the year's past events and truly take the time to embrace each other. It's a Saturday afternoon and you're strolling down the aisle of Neiman Marcus with your beau. You coyly express your fascination for the new spring collection of Manolo Blahniks. As you exit the store you notice that your beau is"acting" aloof but is really concerned on how to celebrate your one year anniversary.
When the day finally arrives your love tells you to meet him at this opulent restaurant. You arrive there dressed in the perfect ensemble. You decided to wear "the" dress that hides your imperfections and only highlights your best assets. Well, as you make your way through the restaurant your eyes lock with a dashing young gentleman across the room. You finally blush after realizing it is "your" sweetheart. When he approaches you, your eyes gravitate to the white shoe box he clutches and your mind completely shuts down.
"Manolo Blahniks! He could not have" – you think to yourself.
It seems like a fairytale romance in those 3.5 seconds until he allows you to clutch the box of love and slip your fingers inside. Your genuine smile fades into a forced smile as you realize the false leather sole and the lack of the two Manolo Blahniks labels inscribed.
In those 3.5 seconds you thought you knew your shoe, you find yourself dismayed to discover it was a fraud.
Relationships are no different.
In romantic relationships women who don't have a strong sense of personal identity find themselves in very perplexing situations. For example, a couple who begins dating may kick it off initially during the "getting to know you stage". The man may find himself impressed by the woman who he is dating at first. If that woman does not have a strong sense of identity she may find herself doing the following:
Disregarding her own personal needs in the relationship
Allowing herself to be used
Becoming the knock off Manolo Blahniks!
All men and women wish to understand the person who they choose to involve themselves with. Thus, it's frustrating to encounter that a potential mate has put up a facade and is neither the man or the woman who they've first met. This is one of the main reasons…
Why he could have left you like an imposter pair of Manolo Blahniks. You lost your identity.
The best way to avoid being a Manolo imposter is to spend time knowing who you're as an individual. You must build a relationship with yourself before you can expect your relationships with others to prosper.
Leave the imposter Manolos on the shelves and wear the real deal, YOURSELF!
Carrie Bradshaw of the hit TV show, Sex and the City, said it best-" You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because someone else has a problem with it". She was also known for her Manolo Blahniks obsession.
I love my family and I love my friends. Yesterday, I had a heart to heart moment with my mother over the phone. She has to be the busiest woman I know. I was sad sometimes as a child, seeing my mother was always busy raising us 3 kids on her own---this took out of our playtime, keep in mind this was a child's thought. I'm just reflecting here, I would not change it for the world . According to last night, she wouldn't either.
The
